Initiating a Conversation from a Profile

It's a lot like striking up a conversation with a total stranger or someone you've just been introduced to...

 at a store                        at the fairgrounds
 at a restaurant                 a school open house
 at a party                        at a family reunion
 at church                        a wedding reception
 at a concert                    at a festival
 at a funeral                     at a reception

We suggest that you begin by opening with a couple of surface comments or questions.   During the opening moments of these "let’s-get-acquainted" conversations, we are trying to minimize the barriers of uneasy feelings that naturally surface when conversing with a stranger.  We also try to build a bridge by helping the other person feel comfortable and at ease talking with us.

Here's an example of how we often try to open an Instant Message conversation with someone whose Profile we found in a Member Directory.   Since you are a total stranger and most people are a bit wary of a cold-turkey IM from someone they don't know, we have found that a more extended introduction message of 6-10 sentences often helps.  Time and again a person will respond with, "I usually don't answer Instant Messages from people I don't know, but since you mentioned __________ I thought I would take a chance...."

We start by giving a normal greeting, introducing ourselves with our first name and we tell them that we are just learning how to search the Member Directory.

"Hello, my name is Jim.  I am new at this online stuff.   I'm just learning how to search the Member Directory."

We tell them a bit more about ourselves how we got their screen name what interested us in their Profile and why we are contacting them.

"My two kids have been in 4-H for years and we love it!   We are raising pigs and rabbits and Fair time is a highlight of our year.  I was searching the Directory for others interested in 4-H.  I came across your screen name and noticed you were online.  If you have a minute would you like to chat a bit with a 4-H computer rookie from California?

We let them know that they don't have to talk to us if they don't want to and that we fully understand and don't blame them if they don't.   Interestingly enough, what we're doing here is somewhat of a "take-away" that sales people use all the time.  It can actually hook/intrigue some people into the challenge of "I might not get another chance at this" and they respond.

Feel free to ignore this message if you're busy with more important things.  I know it's not always the best policy to talk to a stranger online."

We then send the entire message and wait to see if the individual responds.  Many times they don't many times they do.  We leave that up to God.  He will open the doors of His choosing.

Some suggestions to help keep a conversation going when the individual does respond:

• Relax and enjoy the process of getting to know a total stranger.   If it's enjoyable for you, chances are it will be for them.

• Be sure to keep your comments brief as you answer their questions.  Don't go on and on and on.  You shouldn't duplicate the length of your opening comments.

• Always conclude your response with a question for them to answer.  If you don't you are putting the pressure on them to keep the conversation going.  Returning with the same question they asked of you works well at the beginning of a conversation, but you need to move toward asking your own questions about other matters if the conversation is going to move forward.

• Try not to ask for information that is available in their Profile.  Remember that you already told them you had read it.   Asking additional questions about the information in their Profile is much more profitable.

• Especially in an opening conversation, be true to your word about keeping this conversation short.  Even if the conversation is going well, keep it short.  You want to leave them with the feeling that it would be nice to talk to you again.

• Before you sign off, ask if you can put their screen name on your Buddy List.  If they refuse, honor it.

• When you're ready to sign off and they haven't told you their name yet, try this: "Goodnight (screen name) ."   Use their screen name in your farewell.  On most occasions...even if they haven't given their real name in their Profile they will give it to you when they return your farewell to close the conversation!   That is usually a good signal that a small bridge of trust has been built and future conversations will take place!  If they do, be sure to repeat the farewell using their real name and then sign off.

• How to use chat Rooms for Contacts

• Hints & Tips part 2 - Lots of great links!